People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
