i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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