I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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