just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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