I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
