That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
