Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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