glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
