If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
