When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the condom got lost in my hair
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
