Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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