I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
