I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
