So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
