what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
