I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
