I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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