forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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