Non-Jews are for practice
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
