I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
