I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
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I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So much rum. So many feels.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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