i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize