if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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