I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The power of my boobs compel you
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
