and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
the liver wants what the liver wants
Naked. naked and bneed help.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
