so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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