You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
