there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
