i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
