New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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