My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
