So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
