and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
