You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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