my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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