I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
