On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
