I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
