ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If that was your dad, he is hot
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
