I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
