At least make sure they are 18
Why
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
