I smell stomach acid.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this boner is exhausting
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
