My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
