fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
