So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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