you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
