The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
