u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
