I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
