Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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