So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
