and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
