Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
