You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you traded sex for a burrito?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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