I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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