I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
