But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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