But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
