I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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