Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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