dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
