the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
