so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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