Porn is love you can see.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
