I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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