from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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