so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
