Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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