sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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