he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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