Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
