I looked at my own cervix.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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