May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
