just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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