Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my shit smells like andre
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
