I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
