I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
