Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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