Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
