It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
