dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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