just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i now understand why vodka
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
